Monday, August 31, 2009

Top Ten Reasons why I won’t read Vampire Books

10. You think last year's shoes are out of date – this guy’s clothes are 200 year old!

9.   Men over fifty are male chauvinists – this guy was born when?

8.   Blood breath! Are you really going to kiss me with that stinky mouth?

7.   French kissing a corpse – with that breath? A carload of Tic Tacs won’t be enough.

6.   Tell me what is sexy about spending all day in a coffin, buried in a graveyard.

5.   Men with pale skin and burning red eyes – sexy? No, that’s the reason I stopped dating musicians and drug addicts.

4.   I can barely stand to shake a cold clammy living hand – I’m supposed find a cold, clammy embrace sexy?

3.   Road kill smells bad after 24 hours, HOW long has this guy been dead? And you can’t SMELL

2.   Necrophilia (wanting to have sex with a corpse) is a mental illness – I don’t have it.

1.   Live men have erectile dysfunction – you expect me to believe that a corpse can get it up?

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